the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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