I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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