DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
