Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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