does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
