took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
