Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
