Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
