There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let's get the cat blown out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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