swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
