If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize