Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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