***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
