Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have aggressive nipples.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
