"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pooping to opera.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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