Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
