my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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