Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
