The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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