I got chris browned last night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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