Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
