I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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