this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
