youre lurking in front of me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is Oprah even human
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
