We're facebook friends in real life
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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