Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
