Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
