you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh god it's open bar.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
