We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Boobs are out for the taking
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize