i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize