do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
