She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
