Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
