"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
