So drunk its hurt
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
