dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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