I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
