you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
