so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
