Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
