she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
