I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
