Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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