Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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