i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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