I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
