so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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