I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
