Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
