I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
