I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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