Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
