That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Text me some of your sweat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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