We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so let's talk penis.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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