I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize