so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
