remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
