He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
