life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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