Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
