operation have a gay friend backfired
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
