Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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