Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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