just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
