Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were trust falling into bushes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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