dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
even my farts smell like vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
