There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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