i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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