Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone shit on the floor
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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