What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
