People in love make me want to vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
