1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
