And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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