Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I could fuck to npr.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
