there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pooping to opera.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
