are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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