I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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