i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
