it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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