Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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