i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
