Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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