i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize