my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
