When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize