You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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