New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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