smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
