the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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