I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
