please come you make the beer taste better
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
