genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
