I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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