Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
