with your own penis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
