just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
