i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
