I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
