I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
