Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
